we will come up for air...

For the last 2 weeks our youth group has been focusing on the Holy Spirit through the youth Alpha course we have been doing this term.  Its been a real privilege to see changes happening within these teenagers as they step out and invite God into their lives and then experience the presence of God.

One of the biggest things I've learnt in my journey with God is that we need to experience him - to know that he is right where we are, and we can actually have an encounter with an almighty God. But not in a way that's impersonal and out there but so that is so personal that only he who knows everything could reach into that place within us and whisper to us "I'm here".

This last week I had one of these experiences - it wasn't a ground shaking, lightning bolt moment, where clouds parted; like we see in the movies. Instead it was a simple word spoken to me through a woman whom I'd never spoken to before.  And yet I knew it was God speaking through her to that place within me - I didn't even know was there...

I'd been looking forwards to Friday because the boys are at Daycare for the morning and I was thinking I'd like to have some time to myself and just be quiet...but Friday morning came and I was shattered from being up 4 hours during the night with both the boys for various things. And by the time I'd gotten home from drop-off I felt all over the show and couldn't decide what to do.  Full of anxiety about future baby's arrival and trying to get different projects under way I want to get done before He comes.  Yet completly stuck within myself

..... wanted to connect with God.... didn't even know where to begin.... does any of this sound familiar (Mums? When you have precious time to yourself and yet like having stage fright and don't know what to do with yourself!!...)

The only thing I felt I achieved in that time was this random verse seemed to get stuck in my head...

" I will not leave you as orphans [Motherless, Fatherless, comfortless, desolate, bereaved, forlorn, helpless]; I will come [back] to you." {John 14:18 Amplified version}

And when this verse came to me, I knew in my head that God was trying to give me something but it didn't touch that place in my heart that needed to know it more...

So I left and walked to pick up the boys from Day care. On the way though I just felt even worse and thought I was gonna cry for no reason at all... I think if there's one thing I've learnt in the last few years, when I'm feeling this way rather than shut it down and put emotions to the side, I try to just let them be... So I said to God {obviously not out loud cause then I'd of really looked like a nutter...} "God I don't know whats going on but I'm OK with it and I'm not going to fight it, and I give it over to you..."

 (the picture I had, was of myself rowing a boat underwater being carried along in a current and rather than fighting it and trying to get to the surface, I was choosing to not get panicky let it carry me to wherever the destination was beyond the darkness...) 



So then at Daycare I had Zephyr in my arms and bags on either side - maybe I looked the picture of a frazzled mother... I don't know :) and as I waited to get Titus' attention from in the sandpit one of the teachers whom I'd never even spoke to before, for some reason started talking to me.  And somewhere in the conversation she just said these simple words that undid me "...you know God's not going to give you more than you can handle..." and I burst into tears.......

You see I've been given those very words before and I'd known before, like I knew then that it was God.  Using those people to speak into that place of being overwhelmed, that I hadn't been able to put my finger on that morning. 

And then this woman asked If she could pray with me, and it was just one of those special moments where God had intervened right in the midst of my need and shown me his heart to comfort me, so that I would know that I wasn't alone.

And as I walked away from that place with a bit more bounce in my step - I remembered that verse which I'd gotten before and realised what it was talking about..."I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you" its the Holy spirit. I hadn't really thought of it that way even though it was now obvious... 

God our heavenly father never intended us to be alone in life as Orphans(even though we have relationships with the people around us, we still walk this world alone) that is why he gave us his spirit so that we would never be alone and would be able to experience comfort through him during all our experiences of life. It was one of his promises to his disciples before he left that he would send the comforter to them in his place...  

And so that night I was able to share my experience at youth group, and amazingly enough our youth group leader used that very verse in his talk too! 

The Holy Spirit is real and wants to meet us in our present need, but he want us to be open to him and give him the permission into our lives and our emotions...

This last week I feel like Gods doing something in me and no its not just hormones :) I can feel him showing me places that are very lonely places inside of me and areas of vulnerability, I also know its probably got alot to do with the fact I'm going away next week to sit under some amazing teaching and so I'm ok with this uncomfortable feeling of being opened up and undone...

And so I guess I share my story from this week not to throw my pearls to the pigs so to speak but to knowingly say to that other person out there who feels like they too are being undone ... that you are OK... and that your heavenly Father wants to ride along with you and meet you in that place so you don't feel alone in it anymore... and he wants to bring healing and like something that suddenly burst above the water after being pushed under...we will come up for air...
I am so gratful that God does not expect us to ride this life alone, and I have to constantly remind myself of this and invite him into the boat with me, the journey is suddenly not so scary whenever we do...

xoxo     

Time is not of the essence...

The other day I got a picture of our letter box in my head and so I decided to draw the picture in my mind not really knowing why... I've decided that if I get pictures like that alot of the time they turn out to have some significance, if not for then, then another day. 

...Then not long after I was reminded of a word of encouragement I felt God gave me for a friend...

I was out shopping for something and out of the blue this lovely object caught my eye.  At a glance it seemed completely out of place, squished right down the bottom of the shelf only half in sight...But none the less there it was calling out to me :) And right away I felt like God said that's for... to encourage her with her shop...{this is a dream she has...} I went back in forth between my head and my heart for a few seconds wondering if I had indeed heard right and then feeling very HAPPee decided it was too random NOT to get it, so did so...

Then after getting it home I forgot about it for a few days and then when I remembered next as I got my friend on my heart I felt like God said let her know " Time is not of the essence..." and then for some reason the picture of our letter box came back to me...

...stay with me here, yes there is a point to all of this... :)

When thinking of the letter box I was reminded of the process it takes to either give or receive a gift through the post.. I remember once I'd gotten something for one of my sisters probably nothing too exciting but the point was I'd posted it and looked forwards to hearing that she'd received it.  Giving is one of my love languages so knowing that someone has received the gift and their reaction etc is a huge part of the giving... anyway this one time she still hadn't gotten it and then to my disappointment I received it return to sender back in the mail.  I hadn't gotten the postage right so i then had fix that up and send it off again only to wait for her to receive it days later.

When someone tells you that they are sending you something; how often have we then checked the mail box with the hope it might have arrived or thought to ourselves 'maybe it will come today?'...

I see it the same with our dreams; the things that we want badly to happen but have not, or we felt God gave us a word about something that would happen but it still hasn't...
Do we not do the same thing? Wonder to ourselves, when will it come? or I know its coming but when will it be here?... and after awhile sometimes it feels like we say to ourselves "it must have gotten lost in the post" or "maybe I didn't hear right and it was never coming in the first place"...

My friend who I've got this little present for {yes sorry you will get it when i see you next!} also really encouraged me because she too has a blog and she had written me basically saying it wasn't quite what she was wanting to do but it was a stepping stone a platform from which to start from...

 This REALLy encouraged me because this blog for me is not exactly what I want to be doing but its a stepping stone - its a start. 

And thinking back to the post box and that word God said "Time is Not of the essence"... I felt was also for me and perhaps for someone else too...

You see we can often compare ourselves to people around us that seem to be going places or achieving exciting things and think "I'm nowhere near anything at the moment" and then we think "what do I need to be doing to make this thing happen faster!" upon which we spiral into self doubt and condemnation that we arn't pushing ourselves hard enough or persevering enough and if we had a little more self discipline and drive we would get there...

But what if God really was saying... "Time is not of the essence..." another words just let the natural progression happen and enjoy the little steps as much as the big leaps and no its not lost in the post but perhaps its taking a wonderful adventure before it gets to its destination and it will be all the more complete for doing so...

...the parcel is coming but speed of which is does, will not diminish its value...


xoxo