Lately I've been finding myself questioning God, even arguing with him about whats happening with getting our next house... and I'm trying to figure out where does trust really come into things - when your telling yourself; on one hand you believe God will provide something and he's got the bigger picture mapped out but on the other hand stressing and trying to make something happen...
But man to be honest it's hard when your in the middle of a promise... and within yourself it feels like your floundering, doing 360* in the middle of your sea, with no landmarks to go off anymore and not even a cloud in sight...
searching for The CLOUD*
...then I remembered I'd heard this tale before...
{the story in a nutshell /a vague retelling}
In one Kings chapter eighteen there is the story of Elijah who summons all the people in the land and asks them basically Do you believe in God or don't you? And when he doesn't get much a response he creates a test to show them that God is God and the people could trust him...
he told the false prophets (the wise guys of the time) which the people had been trusting in, to build an alter but not to set fire to it and they were to cry out to their God to be the firestarter...and Elijah would do the same to his God...
I had no idea really what this story was all about when i went looking for it in my bible I had just remembered something about a cloud appearing so when I FINALLY found it and started reading the chapter I was really SURPRISED when these words jumped off the page since the minuet before I'd been arguing with God about whether I could trust him or not...
..."How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal[the name for their god] is God, follow him." (1 kings 18:21)
Straight out I felt God was saying really clearly and simply "Do you trust me or do you not?"
If you read this story the language that describes these two groups of people are very different...The one group knowing what they wanted to happen worked frantically, they shouted, they danced around, they shouted louder and tried harder for their fire to be lit...and in the end all their blood sweat and tears produced nothing..."But there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention..." All their work was a waste of time. (this speaks to me about what we often do when something isnt happening fast enough we start running round trying to make it happen faster)
But in the other camp Elijah only doing what God ask of him stepped back and said "Answer me Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back to you..."
~
I have come to know God particularly over the last few years as an amazing Father, a kind hearted provider for his children. And a Father who is deeply concerned about their needs. He hears us, and wants to relate to us in a way that is unique to us all. {like in a family how the mother has a unique relationship with each of her children} He not only has the Heart of a father for us as a protector, provider and encourager; he also has the heart of a Mother towards us, to sooth our worries and teach us how to navigate life, comforting us in the tough times but also being there to enjoy the good days too.
But mainly I've come to see that if He asks something of us he will not leave us hanging, and he will answer {tho sometimes his timing is not always ours nor the answer what we expect...}
In relation to the house stuff at the moment tho, I realised sitting there feeling sorry for myself that I'd become more like the false prophets than Elijah - they shouted louder, got themselves into a frenzy trying to make something happen that God had never asked THEM to do...on the other hand Elijah was following the instructions he felt God had given him, we know this because in vs 36 he prays "LORD the God of Abraham...let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your Command...
In relation to the house we feel like God has told us to trust him and that he will provide something and he will not embarrass us. Obviously we are doing the basics and looking to see whats available but at the end of the day us looking harder will not make a house magically appear... in the Story Elijah did what God asked and left the hard work up to him and he came through even though it was a seemly impossible task {to make water soaked wood catch of fire!}
I believe its really important to Live out of what God is saying to you rather than what others are telling you to do - because if you do this you will only be running round wasting your time and You'll be the one getting burnt out - hehe BURNt out - get it?....(oh dear, small minds syndrom!)
the whole waiting thing has been the biggest challenge for me, because in the process of looking for that cloud to signal land I've often caught myself paddling too hard against the current and squinting into the sun to catch sight of it, rather than sitting down and allowing him to bring it into being...
Basically in Elijahs time God did the impossible and vapourised the alter which Elijah made just to make a great statment - and to me this speaks of HIS ability to do things that in our mind seem crazy and impossible but for him its a walk in the park
...
So that CLOUD*
The next part I LOVE because such was the faith by then of Elijah he basically tells the king to prepare for rain {LOTS AND LOTS OF CLOUDS!} {it hadn't rained in 3 years, but God promised Elijah that he would send rain to the land} he went up to a hill to look out across the seas and he prayed, And he waited...7 times he asked his servant to go look towards the sea and "the seventh time the servant reported, "A cloud as small as a man's hand is rising from the sea!"...
....this was the story that had came to mind after I felt a bit lost at sea not even a cloud in sight and I was reminded that my story is not so original and he has shown himself over and over again that he is faithful to the promises he has given us, but sometimes we just gotta hang on to the main sail and wait and see how God does the impossible for us and reveals that Dream he's placed within our heart come to be...
And so after a head check this is where I find myself... believing again for land, looking out to the horizon and for that small cloud to rise up from the sea...
The clouds a coming...wait and see!
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