rebuilding from a place of desolation

Where to start........

This has felt like a common phrase over the last few years -

Where to start in my mess of a house!
Where to start with my kids!
where to start in my marriage!

Where to start with myself!

Is this just me or are there others who have come to this point too?

Its a scary place with not much room to breath......

Now with 4 boys 6 and under and another baby on the way it felt like everything came to a tipping point these last few months. Once I was sick in bed with all day morning sickness.
"MORNING sickness" who made up that name for that anyway!! everything seemed to fall apart from the above.

The house and kids became even more wild and my husband and I were in battle mode.

And where are you God I would ask???.....

Help came in the form of friends popping in who helped do dishes or pickup, or the odd "team" from our youth with a mission base who were assigned us as their work duty that day but it was mainly just bandaids on a larger bleed that needed attention.
And for someone who struggles to ask for help there is nothing harder than to feel completely exposed with all your dirty Landry hanging out...

Then one day while I was trying to connect to God he spoke a word into my heart......


and then silence.....

Desolation!!  seriously!!!!! I'm feeling stranded here and all you can say is to state the obvious!!!!!
...even was something - almost comforting, and even if it wasn't this great wonderful rescue moment I was hoping for... it was more of a marking on the map from where to start from...

1.a state of complete emptiness or destruction.
"the stony desolation of the desert"

synonyms: barrenness, bleakness, starkness, bareness, dismalness, grimness; More

2.great unhappiness or loneliness.
"in choked desolation, she watched him leave"
synonyms: misery, sadness, unhappiness, melancholy, gloom, gloominess, glumness, despondency, sorrow, depression, grief, mournfulness, woe;

"How do you rebuild from Desolation?" I asked Google
[and this gaming forum gave me my first answer]

{When you raze a settlement you destroy it and the land becomes desolate. Is there a point where you can then rebuild on that land and of so how do you get the settlement back?

Might sound a silly question but I'm only a few terns in and loads of factions are razing settlements!!! Guuuuur. 
Many thanks}

"You can always rebuild as long as you have the funds and manpower required."


So again coming back to my question where to start? where do I start when everything feels like it is in a state of destruction.....

Well if according to "TOTAL WAR" you can ALWAYS rebuild WITH the resources and manpower...

So with this sense of possibility in hand my Journey begins.....

I post this not really even wanting people to read it but more to help me process my journey and realizing that there must be others that have or are experiencing the same life moments.  Im not writing it to entertain with pretty pictures or fancy bits but to say it how it is and my hope in doing so it somehow helps YOU whoever you are....

xoxo carolyn

1 comment:

  1. I know this is old, but having just discovered your blog I'm reading it now. My comment in response to this entry is Yes. I concur! But it also reminded me (and goes with your pruning thoughts, I also love garden metaphors!!) of a piece from Job I'd never really noticed before, but read in another blog yesterday (lying in bed sick but awake at 4 or 5 am):

    "For there is hope for a tree,
    if it be cut down, that it will sprout again,
    and that its shoots will not cease.
    Though its roots grow old in the earth,
    and its stump die in the soil,
    yet at the scent of water it will bud and put out branches like a young plant.”
    (Job 14:7-9)

    Scent of water!! That's all it takes, dude, bring it on... Hope that strikes a chord somewhere for you :)


thank you for taking time to comment! x